- 6 February 2007 -
By Renei Yarrow
I have often argued with the man I have shared the last few years of my life with over what we want from our partners. Unfortunately, he and i don't suit each other one bit. So we move on. But what always got me was how he would insist that no man could ever be all the things i hope for. This is really a paradox for me, because I work so hard at not looking for a form but rather the essence of what would be fulfilling. But when I break down the essence, and imagine how it would be possible to obtain, the human part of me can't help but consider the possible forms. Apparently, according to my previous partner, my concept of a compatible man for me is an idealized being that no human will ever live up to, and that i am destined for disappointment. (it is precisely this negative attitude that caused such a riff between us in the first place) I have the notion that there are people who are perfect for each other, but not that there is only one perfect person. Whatever areas one may be lacking in, perhaps their strengths make up for it. I also consider which attributes are most important, and perhaps where they fall short is in an area that doesn't have quite so much weight, so a compromise is optimal. After all, when I choose to love someone, i am not loving them in spite of their faults or short comings, I am loving them and their faults or short comings.
But i digress. What I really want to talk about is this "ideal" man that my previous partner said can't exist. But he does. I have known him all my life. He would and has stayed awake all night with me when I have been sad or hurt or just can't sleep. He has given me everything I have ever needed and most things I have wanted. He listens to my problems, never judges, gently gives advice, and trusts I am making the right choice for myself. He has run the gamete of philosophical subscriptions, however always maintaining it was really all about love and respect for each other. He works longer and harder than anyone I have ever known, yet is never too tired to give of himself physically and emotionally to his friends and family, even after a long day. He knows how to play and have a good time, and his enthusiasm is almost dangerously contagious. He is intelligent, funny, talented, handsome and confident without being arrogant. He is a man's man, but has no problem expressing his passion for the arts, philosophy, family, and anything else so many men are afraid to admit to caring about. He is someone everybody likes. Even people he doesn't care for can't help but be fond of him. He isn't perfect, and while stubborn at times, is ultimately willing to look at himself and admit mistakes. He is a friend to everyone. He is my best friend. He is my dad. And I have always been happy to share him with my friends, or those less fortunate who didn't have a friend in their fathers. And while I may not always say it out loud, he is the man, no, the person I admire most. When I find myself mimicking his expressions or ways of saying things, or i am told I sound/look/act/or think like him, I am proud.